The Progress of Sleep

Dear Dysfunctional,
Sleep. That one word has so many different meanings for people, and as you grow, your appreciation for it steadily grows. As a child, sleep was merely something you accidentally slipped into. There you were, sitting in your highchair or finishing up a cry that was a true work of art, and wham! your asleep. The damn thing crept up on you, caught you when you were least aware! Again, like so many times before. And as if it wasn't enough for Sleep to have those victories, but your parents where in cahoots with it, plotting to surrender you sweet innocence to it every day, at nap time, and at bedtime. No amount of tears and wailing can make them waver in their resolution, in fact, your grief seems only to harden their hearts... As you grow older, sleep becomes something of less concern. You live your days in hedonistic glory, romping over the neighborhood with your best friend in the world, scorning social norms such as lunchtime and girls. Sleep for you becomes the great equivocator; some nights after an especially entertaining day you welcome it, while at others it is a restraint, merely an excuse to keep you from watching whatever it is your parents are watching. Then in your early teenage years, sleep becomes something that you have outgrown. Sleepovers and TV now dominates the night, as enforced bedtimes become slackened or disappear altogether. This mentality becomes more and more prevalent, until one day, you realize that you do, in fact, become fatigued. With the first major boost of hormones gone, you find yourself craving naps during the day, especially during particularly long lectures. Nights may still be neglected, but you also find that you have to pay some of the debt that you owe sleep. This is where I will stop with this history, as this is as far as I have developed in the patterns of sleep. However, it seems to me that as you grow ever more, sleep becomes more and more important... schedules must be developed to maximize the benefits, and at least one nap in necessary every day. Besides this, we become gradually dependent on caffeine and other stimulants. As the ripe age of sixty is broached, we become ever more lethargic, with movement greatly slowed and sudden naps becoming the norm. Of course, this is largely speculation, but it is founded on observations, and one day, you too will succumb to its grip. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Sincerely,
Adam Yeager