Thought Pattern... Of A Sort

Dear Dysfunctional,
Time. No, not thyme, time. There is a vast difference; thyme is a seasoning which also serves a very useful purpose of softly carpeting the ground whereupon it grows, thereby eradicating any meddlesome weeds planning on sprouting. No, I said meddlesome weeds, not meddlesome kids. Meddlesome kids are a bunch of amateur crime fighters who somehow manage to find droves of criminals crazy enough commit crime while pulling off exorbitant scares. No, I did not say stairs. Stairs are an antiquated way of reaching the second floor. They only put those in buildings to make fat people feel guilty. No, they aren't really guilty of a criminal offense. But McDonalds should be. No, not Old McDonald who had a farm and the audacity to coin a hideous song which will haunt mankind for years to come.  No, I'm talking about Old McDonald, not Friday with Rebecca.  Friday is a demonic interpretation of the thirteen year old club scene. No, that actually doesn't exist in Miami. But sharks do... No, not card sharks. Those cohabit Las Vegas with George Clooney and Brad Pitt. No, Pitt does not advertise deodorant. But he does do a Chanel no. 5 commercial and have strange hair that's just as disturbing as the amount of coverage of Angelina Jolie's double mastectomy is getting. No, her last name is not Smith. Smith was a guy who, despite having an incredibly interesting story and costarring in a Disney movie, has the single most generic name of all time. No, not thyme, time. And we have now come full circle.
What now?
John Smith














Song of the day is Purple Haze, by Jimi Hendrix

The Icon Of Summer

Dear Dysfunctional,
Spring has rolled around again, and with it has brought certain cultural norms that accompany the clement weather.  Shorts, sunglasses, bikes.... Oh, and yes, there are those individuals belonging to the fringe group already jumping into the lakes.  But it's not these various pleasantries that I'm anticipating so eagerly; no, I am overjoyed instead by the return of the hallowed ice cream cone.  That symbol of the carefree summer, the Ice Cream Cone has long been revered for its simplicity, diversity, and its cooling properties.  I know what you are thinking; you know that ice cream is not limited to summer.  Ice cream is a confection that all enjoy all year round.  To limit ice cream to summer is a restriction upon mankind that cries out to heaven for vengeance, is it not?  This is true, and I have also devoured several gallons of the frozen delight throughout the long and painful winter months.  But that was mere ice cream, often just in a bowl, or, straight out of the carton.  But the Ice Cream Cone; well, it is a symbol almost exclusively of warm summer days. And also the fewer warm spring and autumn days.  Well, I had better be going; I still have not enjoyed the first Ice Cream Cone of the year, and that is a crime of the greatest outrage.
Bon Appetite!
Garver McHallie

PS, song of the day is Cali In A Cup, by The Woods.