Dear Dysfunctional,
Have you ever looked at the stars? If so, have you ever had the good fortune to see a shooting star? Now, on what may seem like a totally unrelated point, do you believe that the government is covering up extra terrestrial life? If you do, take heart; though you may have been mocked for you beliefs for years, and described as: a wishful thinker, paranoid conspiracy theorist, fat-nerdy-kid-who-has-nothing-better-to-do-than-hope-he-can-befriend-aliens, as your anguish at the hands of your tormentors has not been in vain. Why, you ask? Because it is true! What the public thought happened with the Apollo missions was a lie. The true reason behind the space race was not to be the first to reach the moon, but to be the first to contact alien life, and recruit them as allies. For years the solar system has been the battle ground of the milky way, drawing hundreds of thousands of alien fiends to our very doorstep. Why the solar system? It is for one reason; the aliens require fossil fuel to survive. Yes, this is the reason for the spike in oil prices in the past few decades. This is also the reason american bureaucracy doesn't want to let the general public to have access to the rich american oil fields, because they know the extra terrestrials will pay much higher amounts for the oil than average human consumers. So next time you look at the sky, take some time to appreciate the conspiracy behind the seeming unchaotic darkness of the night.
Knowledge is power,
Billy Ramone
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